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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts |  | Authors: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
Publisher: Mariner Books
Category: Book
List Price: $15.00
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Rating:  108 reviews
Media: Paperback
Edition: Reprint
Pages: 304
Number Of Items: 1
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Dimensions (in): 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.9
ISBN: 0156033909
Dewey Decimal Number: 302
EAN: 9780156033909
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Product Description
Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 108
 At first slowly, then quickly June 25, 2007
Michael P. Maslanka (dallas, texas United States)
122 out of 126 found this review helpful
Or so say Tavis and Aronson on how we lose our ethical grip---we make a small slip, say to ourselves it is not that bad, and our minds rationalize the next slip. From lunch with a lobbyist to a golf outing in Europe is not---when the mind puts its mind to it---that big a leap. Their discussion of confirmation bias, one of the worst breeders of bad decisions is outstanding and undertandable. And the chapter on how the police get the innocent to confess is chilling. There are all sorts of useful tips.Want to co-op an enemy? Get her to do a favor for you; her mind will say, "I do not do favors for jerks,and because I do not, he must not be that big a jerk." The mind can not hold two thoughts at once, so it bridges the dissonance. At 236 pages, the book is long enough to be worthwhile, but short enough to read on a vacation. Anyone interested in persuasion and how our minds work will find the read a useful one.
Scary but essential reading June 13, 2007
Dr Cathy Goodwin (Seattle, WA USA)
151 out of 161 found this review helpful
Why do people refuse to admit mistakes - so deeply that they transform their own brains? They're not kidding themselves: they really believe what they have to believe to justify their original thought.
There are some pretty scary examples in this book. Psychologists who refuse to admit they'd bought into the false memory theories, causing enormous pain. Politicians. Authors. Doctors. Therapists. Alien abduction victims.
Most terrifying: The justice system operates this way. Once someone is accused of a crime - even under the most bizarre circumstances - the police believe he's guilty of something. Even when the DNA shows someone is innocent, or new evidence reveals the true perpetrator, they hesitate to let the accused person go free.
This book provides an enjoyable, accurate guide through contemporary social psychology. So many "obvious" myths are debunked as we learn the way memory really works and why revenge doesn't end long-term conflict.
Readers should pay special attention to the authors' discussion of the role of science in psychology, as compared to psychiatry, which is a branch of medicine. I must admit I was shocked to realize how few psychiatrists understand the concept of control groups and disconfirmation. Psychoanalysis in particular is not scientific. The authors stop short of comparing it to astrology or new age.
This book should be required reading for everyone, especially anyone who's in a position to make policy or influence the lives of others. But after reading Mistakes were Made, I suspect it won't do any good. Once we hold a position, say the authors, it's almost impossible to make a change.
TRULY Great July 1, 2007
delores ripley (new york)
54 out of 56 found this review helpful
I must admit, I was almost swayed by the reviewer who called this book "almost great" but who was so offended by the use of Bush as an example of the dangers of unchecked self-justification. Like Mr. Almost Great, I don't like books with a heavy political tilt much either. But becasue I was intrigued by the accolades from some of my favorite authors on the dustjacket, I scanned Almost Great's many reviews on Amazon (including 5 stars for Ann Coulter's Liberal-hating books ---Oy Vey!). That decided it for me; I bought the book and read it in an evening.
I LOVE LOVE LOVED Mistakes Were Made! It is TRULY Great.
Reading it, you will learn about your own life, about psychology research, and yes, about politics, but it is not a political book in my opinion. It's a psychological detective story linking up all sorts of puzzling, hilarious, and downright tragic human behavior with a simple, elegant theory. Moreover it is written with humor, clarity, wisdom, and is based on 50 years of research, much of it the work of Aronson, who is a giant in the field of psychology. And despite what some have said, I found it exceedingly fair and balanced--it points out the errors and virtues of both republicans and democrats--unlike books by, say, Ann Coulter, which are anything but fair, much less well-researched.
For example, it explains with crystal clarity why both Bush and LBJ wouldn't budge from a stay-the-course mentality when in both cases it is/was clear to most outsiders that staying the course is/was insane. And it relates these monumental insanities to the kind of decisions and screw-ups and intrangigences we entangle ourselves into every day.
I'm a huge fan of Malcom Gladwell's Books and articles and the Daniel Gilbert book "Stumbling on Happiness," for the way they illuminate the way our minds work in an entertaining way. Like those books, it's a joy to read. But unlike those books, which describe the dynamics, and then say "isn't that interesting," Mistakes Were Made gives you insight and concrete steps to deal with the hobgoblins in our own minds and those of the rationalizing animals--which is everybody--with whom we interact everyday. The section on marriage may be the best treatment of how to get out of annoying spirals of defensive stupidity with one's spouse that I have ever read. And it's not written in an annoying self-help bookish way.
So, If you are like the "Almost Great' reviewer, and get upset hearing about the errors made by individuals from your favored political party, then you definitely NEED this book, and you need you take its lessons to heart, which apparently Mr. "Almost Great" did not. And even if you don't, at least you'll understand why it's so damn hard to. In other words, it will open your eyes to the psychological dynamics underlying partisanship--including being offended by books or ideas that don't confirm your strongly held political leanings.
I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. It deserves to be a best-seller, read by lots of people and reread over and over and over. If it were, I think the world would be a better place.
Great insights...beautifully written April 10, 2007
Susan H. Evans (Santa Monica, CA)
17 out of 18 found this review helpful
This page-turning read takes you through the myriad ways in which a human urge toward self-justification warps personal lives and contaminates public discourse. The authors ask: "Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart?" They explain, with abundant examples. Even more important, they draw readers painlessly through the evidence about self-justification, much of it based on research into the contours of memory distortion.
No one escapes the authors' withering gaze: political leaders who lie to cover up, bosses who kick downward and kiss upward, marriage partners who whine.
A book about the defenses that people erect for bad decisions and hurtful acts might easily turn into an exercise in "bubba psychology", or giving folk wisdom the patina of scholarship. But Tavris and Aronson are much better than that. They are serious, renowned psychologists with a knack for telling arresting stories. They have an eye for counter-intuitive and revealing details. Each chapter tells you things you didn't know, or illuminates experiences you thought you understood, but come to see in a fresh light.
In short, you'll see a bit of yourself as well as others in Mistakes Were Made. You'll be thankful for its insights.
Great overview of cognitive dissonance August 14, 2007
Karen Franklin (El Cerrito, CA, USA)
12 out of 12 found this review helpful
Ready for a whirlwind tour through time and space, from the Crusades and the Holocaust to the war in Iraq, from recovered memories and the fallacies of clinical judgment to false confessions, wrongful convictions, and failed marriages? Then this is the book for you.
What ties these disparate topics together, according to tour guides Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, is the notion of "cognitive dissonance," which has been creeping into popular awareness in recent years. Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable feeling created when you experience a conflict between your behavior and your beliefs, most specifically about who you are as a person. ("I'm a good person, I couldn't do this bad thing.") To reduce dissonance, people engage in a variety of cognitive maneuvers, including self-serving justifications and confirmation bias (paying attention to information that confirms our beliefs while discounting contrary data).
Tavris and Aronson, both top social psychologists and excellent writers to boot, make their point through the repeated use of a pyramid image. Two people can be standing at the top an imaginary pyramid and can undergo the same dissonance-inducing experience. Person A processes the experience accurately, which leads him down one side of the pyramid. Person B engages in a series of defensive maneuvers to reduce cognitive dissonance that eventually lands him at the opposite side of the pyramid. Once at these opposite poles, the two can no longer recognize their initial similarities, and see each other as unfathomable and even dangerous. A particularly compelling, real-life example is two men who experienced a terrifying episode of sleep paralysis in which they saw demons attacking them. One recognized it for what it was; the other became convinced that he had been abducted by aliens and had even fathered a set of twins with an alien partner.
The book could have been called, "Cognitive Dissonance: What It Is and How to Combat It," but then it wouldn't be selling like hotcakes. It provides a thorough overview of the social psychology research on this topic, much of it quite interesting and all of it engagingly presented.
The authors conclude by offering suggestions for reducing the impact of cognitive dissonance on individuals and cultures. One remedy is greater oversight, such as mandatory videotaping of all police interviews of suspects, independent commissions to investigate prosecutorial misconduct, and greater transparency in the academic review process. Another is attention to Americans' cultural fear of making mistakes. Intelligence is acquired, not innate, the authors argue, and mistakes are a necessary part of learning. I particularly enjoyed their examples of prominent individuals who forthrightly owned up to mistakes, including a therapist who had engaged in recovered memory treatment, a prosecutor who had obtained the conviction of an innocent man, and - last but not least - Oprah Winfrey.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 108
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